Andrew Freeman, president of an eponymous hospitality PR firm in San Francisco, self-pimped on Twitter, saying:

Check out Tango Diva's newest cover man - Andrew Freeman!! http://www.tangodiva.com/

…and…

RT TangoDivacom Visiting SF? Our resident ultimate insider Andrew Freeman knows all the best places! http://tinyurl.com/p3r8rs

He may regret this little bit of self-promotion ‘cuz I’m about to pillory him mercilessly. (OK, let's be real, Mr. Freeman probably doesn't give a rat's behind about my opinion of his opinions.) Seems to me he’s less an ultimate insider than an ultimate poseur.

Let’s deconstruct the answers he gave to Tango Diva, shall we? Since Mackie doesn’t allow me to flirt, we’ll skip straight to question #2.

2. Where is your favorite table for two?

As a hospitality and restaurant consultant, I am, of course, partial to my clients. However, I'm lucky to work with some of the best spots to eat and drink in the city. I'd suggest the Fifth Floor at the Hotel Palomar, Sent Sovi in Saratoga or Carneros in Napa. The new Hotel Shattuck Plaza just opened in Berkeley, and they'll soon be featuring their brand new restaurant, FIVE. It'll definitely be a hot spot. …

Dude, instead of giving us a list of your clients, INCLUDING ONE THAT WASN’T EVEN OPEN WHEN THIS STORY RAN, answer the question! Since you didn’t, I will.

My favorite table for two in the City is the table on the top level at Chenery Park, by the railing, overlooking the restaurant. If memory serves me correctly it’s table 28 but don’t sue if I’m mistaken. Mackie and I aren’t exactly great romantics but even we succumbed to the mushiness this table inspires.

My second choice is the isolated table on the upper deck of Oola. You have to walk through the servers’ station to get to it but once you’re seated and they draw the curtain, you'll feel like movie stars with your own private table a commanding view of the rest of scene.

Hall of fame mention goes to the two-top in the alcove at the soon-to-be-shuttered Hyde Street Bistro. The place tanked after Fabrice Marcon sold it but, back in the day, it served excellent food and the Gaelic vibe would make you swear that you’d been transported to Lyon when you stepped through the door.
 

3. Where should we stay when we visit?

Again, being a hospitality consultant, I'm partial to my hotel clients. … I'd recommend the Hotel Palomar, Hotel Monaco or the Sir Francis Drake. I also love Villa Florence (great location) and Hotel Vertigo. Finally, if you'd like to get away from the craziness of the city but still be within arm's reach, I'd suggest staying at the brand new Hotel Shattuck Plaza in Berkeley. …

Again, thanks for the client list. How long had the Shattuck Plaza been open when this ran?

You can’t talk hotels without talking budget.

If you’re spending some ducats, I’d go for the Huntington Hotel. Grand old girl, great city vista from the back and pool area. Nob Hill views from the front. Small but richly appointed rooms. Great staff.

For a tighter budget, head to hotels.com. Good deals often available on the aforementioned Sir Francis Drake. It can get loud with the cable cars running late at night but decent place with bellmen who really looked out for my elderly father when he stayed there. The Cathedral Hill Hotel is not so fancy but is OK and reasonably priced. Club Quarters is a members-only hotel that sometimes lists unsold rooms on hotels.com at a good price. Nice, unpretentious with courteous staff. FiDi location is quiet (read little open/happening) on weekends but North Beach and Chinatown are a short walk away.

If you want to get to out of the city “but still be within arm's reach,” I recommend a different Berkeley hotel, the Claremont. Great bay views from the front, mongo Sunday brunch buffet, great spa if you dig that sort of thing (which Andrew obviously does, read on). Good room rates often available online via hotels.com or Claremont web site. Its location up on the hill makes it a bit of a schlep to get to Berkeley restos or to cross the Bay Bridge but it’s so worth it.

And, while I’ve not stayed there so I can't opine good or bad, how can you talk hotels to a publication named Tango Diva and not at least mention the Hotel Diva?!
 

4. What qualities do you find irresistible in a woman?

Good shoes, good lipstick and good hair! …

I pretty much agree with our man about town in this one. I go for good shoes, looks good with no lipstick, nice smile and good hair. Conveniently, Mackie possesses these qualities!
 

5. Where can we find you on a free Sunday afternoon?

Enjoying a relaxing spa treatment at Nickel Spa (pronounced Nick-ell) in the Castro.  …

How urbane, how sophisticated, how appallingly metro! Dude, a spa treatment? That’s your idea of a good Sunday afternoon? Ew. Seriously. You have a world-class city at your doorstep and you’re going to a spa on your Sunday afternoon?

Where you’ll find me on a Sunday afternoon depends on season and weather.

During football season, I’ll be watching the Steelers. Truly hardcore citizens of Steelers Nation flock to Shanghai Kelly’s. Fans who desire less drink and more food head to Giordano Bros. After moving to SoMa, I’ve tended to watch the games at The Phoenix, which is not so much a Steelers bar as it is a bar that always shows the Steelers games. The food’s good, the waitresses easy on the eyes (a potential distraction during the game but we make our sacrifices) and their investment to seriously upgrade their televisions prior to last season made viewing pure bliss, so long as the boys in black and gold were winning.

On a nice Sunday in seasons other than football, I’ll be outdoors. Pizza Nostra has great outdoor seating. Ditto MarketBar at the Ferry Building (omitting link because their web site made my browser run slowly) and the people watching is incredible. I was recently introduced to adult kite flying (no, that doesn’t mean that the kites are X-rated), which should be fun once I get the hang of it. (It helps if you properly assemble your kite.) We went to the big open field by the water in the Presidio, between Sports Basement and Fort Point but on the other side of the road. Marina Green is also popular for kite flying. And, renting a ScootCar is an absolute blast! They have suggested routes mapped out but Mackie and I make up our own, usually tooling around in the Presidio.

If it’s not football season and the weather’s crap, find a bookstore. The City’s got great ones, both chains and indies, new and used. For chains, Mackie and I like the Borders at 3rd and King as well as the Barnes & Noble at Taylor and Bay. For new book indies, try Browser Books on Fillmore or Borderlands (sci-fi, horror and fantasy) on Valencia. Great used book stores include Dog Eared Books also on Valencia, Russian Hill Bookstore on Polk and Forever After Books (no web site) in The Haight. If you choose the last one on the list, be prepared to adhere to its lengthy list of rules!

Then, curl up with the book you buy in one of our great coffee houses. If you like chains, the Starbucks at 4th and Brannan has the greatest staff while the ones on Townsend between 7th and 8th and at 4th and Market have the most comfortable seating. For indies, try Sugarlump or Coffee Bar in the Mission, Farley's on Potrero Hill or People’s Café (no web site) in the Haight. But don't get too engrossed in your book — these places offer some great people watching.
 

Other than the implication that the weather is warm (if you're visiting from out of town, it isn't, be prepared) I agree with Sir Andrew's answer to #6 so we'll skip to #7. I especially liked the second part of this question. I'd not considered the subject previously and it made me think.
 

7. What should we bring when we visit? What should we leave with?

You should bring an open mind and attitude because you will most likely see or experience something new and eye-opening! The San Francisco culture can definitely be a feast for the senses, so be sure to bring a big appetite—taking advantage of the culinary culture here is a must! ... You should leave with a new diet plan, as I'm sure you will have eaten your way through the city!

Open mind, check. I've driven relatives who live in small towns/cities through SF and it was "eye-opening" for them, to say the least. And I didn't even take them to the truly, um, interesting parts of town. Also pack sweaters and jackets. Even in summer. Especially in summer. A fat wallet also helps but you can certainly have a great time on a limited budget if you stay away from expensive or touristy areas.

Leave with a wealth of experiences. San Francisco enables you to visit many of the world's peoples, cultures and lifestyles in a mere 49 square miles. Taking full advantage requires that you get outside your comfort zone. Straights should check out the Castro (although I advise heeding Freeman’s caution about Folsom Street bars (see below), unless you’re in the company of a local). Gays should venture beyond overtly gay-friendly establishments because most places in the city are gay-friendly even if not overtly so. Spend some time in neighborhoods of a different ethnicity than your own. Visit the restaurants and shops, even if there are language and cultural barriers. Simple courtesy, respect and remembering that you're a guest in someone else's domain almost always wins the day. Do this and you'll leave with memories for a lifetime.

8. What do we absolutely have to see while we're there?

I can't recommend Beach Blanket Babylon enough. …  I also recommend spending a sunny day at Fisherman's Wharf, checking out Forbes Island and, if you have a little extra time, taking the ferry to Sausalito. The views from this ride are breathtaking. If you get to Sausalito, be sure to reserve a table at Poggio, one of the best restaurants in the Bay Area. On a straight note, I'd suggest catching a game at AT&T Park. …

Beach Blanket Babylon? I guess it’s de rigueur but, at the risk of committing San Francisco heresy, I truly don’t recommend it. I so didn’t enjoy the time I went, I was informed that I was the talk of the ladies’ room after the show ended.

Fisherman’s Wharf? Are you kidding me??? You’re sending peeps to the most hellish tourist trap in the City! And you didn’t even point them to the one cool thing on the Wharf, the Museé Mecanique (relocated a few years ago from beneath Cliff House). Otherwise, I loathe Fisherman’s Wharf, as does nearly every other San Franciscan who’s not making bank off the unsuspecting out-of-towners who flock there. Friends don’t let friends go to Fisherman’s Wharf. And they especially don’t let them eat there!

(Aside to Mr. Freeman: If the above recommendations were meant to direct tourists to attractions that San Franciscans avoid in an effort to reserve the good stuff for residents, I humbly apologize. However, I doubt that this was your intent.)

Now, for the real must sees…

The Cable Car Museum is a true, only in San Francisco attraction. It not only showcases the history of San Franciso's cable car system but also enables visitors to watch the railway's powerhouse in action.

The world’s coolest abandoned building sits on the southwest corner of 6th and Howard. Sometimes at night, the lamps on the building’s exterior are lit for an extra special treat. If viewing at night, don’t get out of your car. You might want to stay in your car during the day, too.

Alcatraz holds a unique place in American history. For some reason, locals refuse to visit it. Adhering to tradition, I haven’t been since I moved to the Bay Area. However, I toured The Rock during a visit to San Francisco when I was in high school and it made a huge impression.

Forget the so-called crookedest street in the world section of Lombard. Although more picturesque, it’s not even the crookedest street in San Francisco. That honor belongs to Vermont Street between 20th and 22nd (only one block, 21st cuts off on the other side of US-101). Go to the real thing for shorter lines and insider bragging rights.

But, more than anything, San Francisco is a city of neighborhoods and incredible natural beauty, not attractions. See these and you've seen the City.

If pressed for time, do a driving tour to hit major neighborhoods including Chinatown, Japantown, the Haight, North Beach, Pacific Heights, Presidio Heights, Sea Cliff, Twin Peaks and the Castro. Drive past the Palace of Fine Arts to Fort Point, then wind your way through the Presidio, along the water, to the Legion of Honor. From there, head toward Cliff House and along the beach. Park for a while a watch the waves roll in.

If you have more time, see the above-mentioned places, spending as much time on foot as possible. Some sections of the city are a tough walk because of the hills but combining foot power with a car or public transportation (which has its issues but that’s another story entirely) can make for a great day or two or three without being overly taxing.

I agree with AF on two points.

Poggio is fan-freaking-tastic. If you have a car, drive rather than taking the ferry so you cross the Golden Gate Bridge but either mode of transport will be an experience in itself. Poggio’s chef, Peter McNee, was recently crowned the Prince of Porc at COCHON555, which prompted me to try his restaurant. I’ll post a review soon and link here when it’s up.

And, if the Giants are at home while you’re in town, do catch a game at AT&T Park. It’s by far the best place I’ve watched baseball. Granted, I haven’t been to many of the new generation of stadiums, but I attended a game at Camden Yards and our stadium puts it to shame. Plus, you’ll see some of the best young players in the Major Leagues with Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum, All-Star Matt Cain and Pablo Sandoval on the roster.

9. Any areas of town we should avoid?

I'd enter the Tenderloin at your own risk. If you are a savvy city traveler, you may be able to safely navigate this part of town. Our straight friends may want to avoid a few of the bars on Folsom Street.  …

Dude, I'm beginning to think you're a wuss! Honestly, the TL gets a bad rap. It’s scuzzy, for sure, but as long as you’re not engaged in the drug trade, I don’t consider it to be overly dangerous. I’ve walked along Polk from Jackson to the Grubstake at 2:00 A.M. as well as eaten at Farmer Brown and picked up takeout from Shalimar on Jones at night, all without incident. Be street smart, don't flash bling or cash, and you should be OK. That said, don't go to the TL without a purpose and I recommend against women walking alone, especially at night.

You don't want to totally avoid the Tenderloin 'cuz you'll miss to much good stuff, e.g., the aforementioned Shalimar, Brenda's, Canteen and the numerous Vietnamese sandwich and pho shops in Little Saigon. Even Fleur de Lys is in the TL, although it's not near the top of my list for fine dining.

There are other neighborhoods that I consider to be much more dangerous. Do not go to Bayview/Hunter’s Point (49er’s games excepted), Sunnydale, Excelsior or the projects side of Potrero Hill, day or night, on foot or in vehicle. Avoid walking on 6th between Market and Folsom as it's crackhead central. Transiting through the Western Addition is probably OK but do not stop. Ditto the lower part of the Lower Haight. If you’re a golfer, avoid Gleneagles. I’m not joking. As I write this, I'm sitting next to an SFPD cop. He says when he plays there, he carries a gun with him in his cart.

If you’re black or Hispanic or look as if you could be mistaken for black or Hispanic, be very careful about what colors you wear in which neighborhoods. I’m very serious; there have been tragic instances of civilians being mistaken for gang-bangers resulting in serious injury or death. This article from the Chronicle outlines Hispanic gang territories. Unfortunately, I don’t have a similar resource for African-American gangs. I know some will say to simply avoid gang turf but that cuts out too many good places, e.g., many good Mission restos are in areas claimed by one gang or another.  

10. Any local secrets you want to share?

Rusty Wells' Yoga class at the Yoga Tree. ...

You have got to be joking!!! Your big local secret is a YOGA CLASS??? Gimme a freakin' break!

OK, the real local secrets in San Francisco are places to find parking. If I told you, they wouldn't be secret so I won't, at least not until after we move. Sorry. I'm selfish that way.

So, you'll have to settle for a secondary secret and endure a little rant first.

Aside from the absolutely maddening politics, the thing is like least about San Francisco is that its culinary scene is always after what's hot, what's cool, what's hip, what's the latest trend. Annoys the snot out of me, not the least because it places idiotic innovation above classic quality. (Not saying that all innovation is idiotic, far from it, but much of what passes for culinary trendiness is nothing more than crap on a cracker.)

This ill of the City does, however, create opportunities for savvy residents and visitors alike. There are tons of under the radar and/or neighborhood joints that blow away the bars and restaurants you'll find in much of America. My Ten Most Underrated Restaurants list is a good place to start your search for friendly, high-quality places that generally won't break the bank. To that list, I'll add Dol Ho for great, cheap dim sum in a joint with zero atmosphere; 15 Romolo, a bar whose bartender, Scott Beattie is my pick for best in the City although he doesn't get the hype of the crews Range and Beretta; San Tung for great Chinese fried chicken; THE PUB for barbeque; and Umbria for spaghetti with ragù and meatballs; the weekend Bloody Mary bar at Elixir. Great stuff, away from the hype and hipsters.

So, next time you need to know something about the City, don't ask a flack, ask the Grump!