One of my original inspirations for this blog was The Tablehopper's annual roundup of things she’s tired of seeing in bars and restaurants. After reading her 2007 list, I mentally composed an e-mail response to her. I never got around to putting fingers to keyboard and then, poof, all of a sudden her 2008 offering arrived. My, how time flew. So, loyal readers, posting to this blog is not the only thing that doesn’t get done on a timely basis, unfortunately. Turning procrastination into a blog, two of my earliest posts were my take on her 2008 list and that mentally-composed, never-sent e-mail response to the 2007 entry.

Well, it’s a new year (two-and-one-half months ago, I know, I never claimed to the Timely Glutton), Marcia has a new list (hers came out a couple of days early, prompt lady that she is) and I have some thoughts about it. So, without further adieu, No More in 2009 from The Tablehopper — a Grumpy reaction.

1. Cupcakes. Sorry, darlin’, I adore cupcakes. When I was a kid, one of my big treats was when my mother would take me to PT’s bakery section (any of you Western Pennsylvania types remember the old PT stores?) when the family went to town to do bulk grocery shopping. I’d pick out a dozen and that would be dessert for the next few days. So, I’m totally down with the current cupcake craze.

What I’m not down with is high prices for tiny cupcakes. I object, vociferously object, to paying $4 or $5 for a cupcake that’s gone in two bites. If I ever run for President, bigger cupcakes at smaller prices will definitely be part of my platform.

2. Salt in sweets. I am so with you on this one, girl. Check out my Saltybar post.

3. Fro-yo. TCBY in airports, good. Everything else, bad.

4. Mixology mayhem.  Cocktails, good. Double-digit cocktail prices, bad. Much of the current mixology madness is simply an excuse to raise prices. Are cocktails with artisan ingredients better? Probably. Are they enough better to justify doubling prices, hell no!

Loyal readers with long memories will recall that double-digit cocktail prices topped last year's list of Ten Things that Make Me Grumpy. Demonstrating the vast influence of this blog, the trend continued unabated, maybe even accelerated, after I complained about it.

5. Cocktail consulting. See #4. Cocktail consulting is another contributor to stupidly expensive cocktails. Also, this whole startender thing really bothers me. What happened to the day when bartenders were measured by their personality behind the bar instead of their press mentions? I’ll take a bartender with a great personality who makes solid drinks over a prima donna with organic fruit and artisan bitters any day of the week. (As a complete aside, Marcia’s comments about quality control after the consultant is gone apply equally to stud chefs who open too many new restaurants. Joseph Manzare, are you listening?)

6. Bacon will never jump the shark. That said, even bacon must be used with some semblance of restraint. Remember, bacon contains salt. A lot of salt. See #2.

7. Eggs for dinner. Hon, you’re being wwwaaayyy too generous with your pizza exception. After breakfast hour (which for me ends somewhere around 3:00 P.M.), eggs make great an ingredient (think crème brulee) but should never be the centerpiece of the entrée. OTOH, I made myself a fried egg and bacon sandwich for my second dinner at 2:00 A.M. last night so maybe I’m just the Grumpy Hypocrite.

8. Large plates, small tables, smaller portions. What she said.

9. Communal tables. I never, ever sit at them. If I’m solo, I sit at the bar. Period.

10. Intense local/sustainable/organic policing. The new wine snobbery. The latest show-off trend among diners. The kind of thing you talk about if you want to get invited to the really cool parties. What really bugs me about this fad is that there's evidence that local/sustainable/organic foods don't deliver their advertised environmental benefits, that they're just the last round of political correctness that sounds great on the surface but falls apart under scrutiny. See Salon's article on food miles, Slate's caveats on the oft-quoted canard that food takes 1,500 miles to get to diners' plates and a Swiss study's conclusion that organic farming delivers 20% lower yields than conventional farming coupled with the fact that tilling an acre of land releases 4 tons of carbon dioxide.

Coming up next, Ten Things that Make Me Grumpy for 2009.